This is something I wrote last year on this day. It still holds true. At this time 8 months ago today I was washing my daughters body and preparing her for her siblings to say goodbye. Today, we celebrate the 3 Kings who came to see Baby Jesus. Most of us know the story. Ancient wise men who had read in their books that a mighty King was to be born under this night sky.
Did you know that we are currently working on publishing my private journal and Facebook entries? After several different friends reached out to me and asked if I could combine all of my social media posts into a book I decided that I would also publish much of my journal. These entries consist of the entire year after Maggie died. We are in the editing stage so have quite a way to go but we
For all my loss mamas out there. I know. I know how hard today is. For some of us, it’s harder than Christmas. Suddenly, you are forced into a new year where no new memories will be made. The memories of your child grow further and further behind you. Suddenly, you aren’t able to say, “My child died this year” or “my child died last year.” What in the world do I tell people now?
From the time Maggie died, I heard quite often that the second year of grief is much worse than the first. I heard that the full reality of my daughter’s death would suddenly hit me and I would be in a worse place then I was in that first year. This was really hard for me to hear because I was suffering so deeply and so intensely. I did not want to imagine things going
St. Padre Pio is famously known for his statement, "Pray, hope, and don't worry." But did you also know that when he received news of his mothers death that he collapsed in agony and could not get out of bed for several days? He truly grieved her and was truly stricken. Grieving your loved one doesn't make you less of a Christian. It just means that you love that person and you need to mourn them.
So, yes, pray and hope and do not worry. But also know that when the world is turned topsy turvy and everything is in darkness that God has not abandoned you. God is with you in the midst.
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I remember telling some friends who were staying in touch with me over those 28.5 hours, “My baby went to Heaven to be with Jesus” as I cried and smiled. Oh, in that moment of death you are witnessing something so incredible that you cannot help but mingle tears of agony and joy. To stand on the very edge of earth and Heaven is an experience unlike any other. God did not wipe away my tears in those moments. God has not wiped away my tears since those moments. And I am ok with that. Tears mean that I love my daughter. As my husband said to me recently, “We love her through death.” Death has not conquered us. Death has not had the victory over us. Though we have been utterly devastated we are not defeated.
What suffering are you experiencing right now? Does it seem that God does not care? Do you feel like maybe He just isn’t there? I am standing in the desert. The hot winds beat against my face. The blazing sun exhausts me. My throat is parched with the agony of grief. And yet here I stand to tell you that there is hope. There is always hope. Water will come. Resources will be made available. You will get through this desert and you will come out victorious. This will not be an easy journey for you. The desert was not easy for Jesus to conquer so neither will it be easy for us to conquer. But we can do this. We can and will conquer the desert. Hold strong. Life will spring up from what seems to be a barren and dry ground. I stand with you.
Remember. When the pain and agony threaten to take over just pause. Take a long deep breath. Breathe in slowly. Breathe out slowly. Repeat. Remember every blessing no matter how small. Remember that God has not forgotten you even if Heaven appears to be silent. You are loved. You have a purpose. You are not forgotten.
Never forgotten.We do not know the day or the hour but we know is that this life is such a gift.
So pray. Be kind. Forgive and ask for forgiveness. Love hard and then wake up and ask God for the graces to do it all over again.
Never forgotten. 💙
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